Saturday, July 9, 2011

Trannyformers

They had a lot of orange stickered videos at the porn shop. Orange stickered videos meant that it featured trannies. Not cross dressers. Yes, there is a huge difference between the two. One mistake in these directions could lead to a funny story about last Friday night and the other could cause you to question so many of your life decisions.

In the photo above that is Frankenfurter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He is what would be called a transexual transvestite (from Transylvania…) which is fucking confusing because it combines both aspects. Allow me to use photos and Wikipedia to explain the difference between the two.

…transvestism (also called transvestitism) is the practice of cross-dressing, which is wearing clothing traditionally associated with the opposite sex. Transvestite refers to a person who cross-dresses; however, the word often has additional connotations.

That is a Thai ladyboy. Isn’t that scary how cute they can be? But make no mistake, it’s a man, baby! The porn shop didn’t have all that many of these videos. When people wanted their fix, their nut, to get their jizz on, they went straight to the shemales!







…shemale (also she-male) is a term used in sex work to describe trans women with male genitalia and augmented female breasts from breast augmentation and/or use of hormones.

Shemale films sold and rented like crazy! There were like three guys who didn’t give a damn about anything else the store sold. They only wanted shemales. With transvestites you can look and go “Oh, that’s a dude dressed like a chick. Whatever.

But with these? You don’t know until you’ve already paid your $20 for a blowjob and they already got in your car and you leave Santa Monica & Highland feeling all good about yourself and you reach over to touch their vagina or where their vagina should be and all of a sudden you realize your new date got more meat than you and you get mad and try to shove them out the car while its still moving and the cops spot you at La Brea and you get arrested and they don’t care that its was false advertising or that you’ve never done anything like this before! Please believe me!

Please believe me!

One of the dudes that would come in was so nice and polite but he would buy the raunchiest shemale porn you have ever seen in your life. I’m talking hardcore shit like Granny Takes A Tranny In The Fanny. Yeah. That was filmed. And these shemales were hung like mules. Big old wangs just as stiff as a starched shirt with massive boobs and a nice face. As a straight guy it kinda fucks with your head. You see nice mammies and a good face and you go “Oh, she looks cute. I would love to--aah!” because all of a sudden there is dick. All in your face. So this guy would come in with his Mr. Rogers sweater and sweet smile and put down a stack of nasty ass shemale porn. Then I would look at the time on the receipt. 6:15am.

The other guy was a sleaze ball. He would never buy anything and try to pry open the shemale swinger magazines to get a glance at heaven. Then one day one of the strangest things happened. I couldn’t make this shit up. It was perfect. He was “reading” one of the magazines and looking creepy as usual when all of a sudden who walks in?

The shemale on the cover.

She stumbles in looking like she was attacked by a walking ugly tree. Her hair was a mess. Her nails were chipped up like she was climbing fences all night. Her makeup was running like a Kenyan at the L.A Marathon. Dude looks up from his magazine and at the shemale. He flips it to the cover and smiles. I swear I heard his penis expand. He follows her (?) around the store for a while and then out the store. Then they both come back and she is trying to avoid him. As they leave again I tell him to put the magazine back. As he does she bolts. Dude races to the counter, sees his angel gone, and looks at me like I shit in his cereal. I like to think I made that shemale’s day better.

…transsexual men and women (referred to as a trans man or trans woman respectively) desire to establish a permanent gender role as a member of the gender with which they identify, often pursuing medical interventions as part of the process. These physical alterations are collectively referred to as sex reassignment therapy and may include female-to-male or male-to-female hormone replacement therapy…

That is Chastity/Chaz Bono. He was once a chick and is now a man. He went the full monty. But not yet. Apparently he still has a vajayjay and isn’t sure if he is going to get rid of it. I have worked with two transexuals. One male to female and one female to male. The woman that became a dude was cool. The other one, not so much. But she did share her stories of having cultures growing in her new vagina. That fucking happened!!!

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