Plug It In, Plug It In...

“A butt plug is a sex toy designed to be inserted in the anus and rectum for sexual pleasure, In some ways, they are similar to a dildo, but they tend to be shorter, and must have a flanged end to prevent the device from being lost inside the rectum.”

There are so many different types of these things. They come in sizes that range from “That’s Not So Bad” to “I Don’t Care Anymore!” I always apply my thoughts on life to sex toys and with this I ask myself “What about when you’re old?” I imagine that people that use these in ginormous form don’t give a damn about worrying for their future asshole.

Pump, Pump, Pump It Up!!!

There was a huge assortment of penis pumps at the porn shop. I had heard of them before I started working there but had never seen one in person. They look pretty damn simple. A cylinder, a pump, and the will and courage to stick your junk into something that looks like it takes your blood pressure. I’d imagine a belief in a forgiving god as well since you couldn’t pay me to try one of these things out. Fuck that. I have too much to live for.

Wikipedia describes it as “…penis pump is a cylinder that is fitted over the penis, with a manual or motorized pump to create suction. As the apparatus creates a partial vacuum around the penis, blood is drawn into the penis, helping it to become engorged. As vacuum increases, the difference between the inner blood pressure and the pump pressure increases as well; excessive pressure causes vascular damage rather than a harder penis.”

The F@#k Machine

Some men are really intimidated by women using sexual devices. Things like vibrators and such make some men feel like they aren’t as useful or cant get the job done. If you are one of those types of guys then you should probably stop reading because I am about to bring you to a beast. Introducing The Fuck Machine. I love that there’s no better name to come up with it. The name leaves no room for misinterpretation. “I wonder what it does…” It’s a machine that fucks you! The one pictured is pretty much how all of them look. It has a remote control that has multiple settings that go from “Low” all the way up to “I Regret Nothing!!!”