Joys Of WeHo Part 4

The yellow metal poles have claimed yet another victim. In the metered lot across fro the Gold Coast the most dangerous things used to be aggressive cruisers or Captain Cucumber. Now its these posts that I didn't even notice until I started hearing people crunch into them. It has become such a regular thing that people at the bar cheer when it happens. I'm not quite sure why they were put where they are. If the arm doesn't lift after 2am to let people in they just knock it over, which has happened quite a few times. It doesn't keep super large vehicles from entering since the giant AIDS bus goes back there. I guess its better than people ramming into the telephone pole. I mean, they still do. They even wrapped a metal guard around it that is now dented from drunk drivers backing out the bar and smashing into it.

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Joys Of WeHo Part 3

Meet the Leather Cowboy. This dude has been around the neighborhood for years. He’s been banned from the porn shop for stealing stuff and touching himself much like Captain Cucumber. He hangs out behind The Gold Coast or here, on Santa Monica and La Brea. This is his outfit when its cooler outside. Otherwise he wears his leather pants, leather coat, and leather hat with sunglasses. I’ve never heard him speak either. He looks like Isaac Hayes if he made bad life choices. He tends to tear the back of his jeans out which is so not the business because he don’t wear draws. His junk is on display for the world to see!

Joys Of Weho Part 2

There are a lot of strange ass people in this city. When I worked in the porn shop many of them would visit and get a nick name that fit their character. There was Red Riding Hood, Scabitha, The Gypsies, Overring, Crazy White Guy, and The Model.

But none of them compare to Captain Cucumber. (click image to “enlarge”)

I have been seeing this guy on my street for over a decade now. He never talks to anyone. He never buys anything. He never does not not have a massive dick. There’s no other way to put it. His dick is the size of a beer can. Strangely enough, its never hard. Its just this…blob that sits in his biker shorts. How can I know so much about another man’s penis? Because I have had to see it for years!

You cant not look at it! Its, like, there! He always has the same outfit but different colors. Biker shorts, hoodie, sneakers, and high socks. When the Laker's are winning he sports purple and gold. He disappeared once for a year and came back super thin. Over the next few months he gained all his weight back. No, I don’t know if his junk lost weight but I would imagine that’s where he stores food much like a camel.

I don’t know if any woman would want a dick that big or if any man would be willing to risk his ass to take on that challenge. I’m not even sure if he’s a cruiser. He just parades up and down the parking lot letting his dong (how many more names for penis can I come up with) flop in the breeze. Just so you know, I do not want a wang this big. There’s nothing I can do with that. I don’t even want to bang a woman that could comfortably take that! No amount of yoga can take that. You can do as many Downward Praying Housecat’s as you want and not handle the magic that is Captain Cucumber.

Joys Of Weho Part 1

This is the embodiment of fear. Me and my heterosexual life mate Alex from The DNA Show went to see a movie at The Grove the other day and saw this guy (yes, that’s a guy) just cruising along on his bicycle wearing a green two piece. This guy was a definite traffic stopper in all the wrong ways. Right now the West Hollywood Pride Parade is going on and I am being bombarded by loud music and horns. Yeah, good times. So come to West Hollywood for the fun, stay for the poppers!