Superman Viagra

People who try new things sexually tend to end up in situations that are far too embarrassing. If your mate ever says to you “Let’s try something new!” chances are a hospital visit is going to occur in your future. A couple months back some poor guy in Laguna Beach ended up with a cockring stuck on his junk, in public, and the police were eventually involved. It really doesn’t help that this guy decided to try a lot of wrong things at the same time. I wish they would release his name because I’d love to hear why he made this series of decisions that landed him in the news.

A couple spotted a man sitting in his car and thought that he might be dead because this was when it was balls hot in California and he was in his car with the windows all rolled up. The cops showed up and discovered he wasn’t dead but he was butt ass naked. They asked him to get out and he said he couldn’t because he had an ice pack on his junk. Why?

Cockage Ringage!

Cock rings are scary. I never even knew these things existed before I worked at the porn shop. The one in the picture is an extreme form of one. It has a damned loop so a leash can be attached. Why? I guess so you can be lead around by your junk. Which is what I call “being in a relationship.” Hi-yo!

Wikipedia describes cock rings as “a cock ring, or cockring, is a ring that is placed around a man's penis, usually at the base, primarily to slow the flow of blood from the erect penile tissue, thus maintaining erection for a much longer period of time.”

Urbandictionary describes it as a “…tool used for males whose penises cannot stay hard long enough to get their girlfriend to have an orgasm.”

They have all kinds of these things! Some are super thick metal. If they get stuck I think you’d need the jaws of life to remove it. I have dropped one on the glass counter and was shocked it didn’t shatter. There are also some that are jelly. Jelly meaning they feel like Wacky Wall Walkers. Who wouldn’t want one of these on their dick?!

One time someone tried one on in front of me. Dead serious. Here is how it all went down. First, I have to describe what this guy looked like. About 5’3”. Furry ass beard. Middle Eastern accent. And smelling of ass and cloves. Got it? Good.

Him: “Can I see the cock ring?”


Me: “Uh-huh.”


Him: “Any smaller?”


Me: “Uh…sure…” (hands over cock ring the size of quarter)


Him: “Thank you.” (quickly whips out penis and slides on cock ring)


Me: “Um…no.”


Him: “Huh?”


Me: “You just bought that!”

He bought it and then I kicked him out the store. He had the nerve to act confused as to why he was getting kicked out. This mind you was after I had only been working there for a few weeks and it wasn’t even 7am yet!