Sunday, September 9, 2012

Scrambled Porn

I know its hard for some people of a certain age to believe, but at one point you didn’t have easy access to porno movies. You either had an uncle that was bad at hiding stuff or a father that was really bad at hiding stuff. When my parents had cable, at the time Continental Cable, channel 54 was The Playboy Channel. And, oh, what a channel! The problem was that my parents hated things like paying bills on time so we’d lose the channel.

Now, I’ve mentioned somewhere on one of my random blogs that I had sex before I attempted to pleasure myself. No, it wasn’t because I was young when I lost my virginity. I’m not that smooth. Its because I had a house full of people! So many people! Parents, three brothers, a sister. There was just no time to try anything. That didn’t stop me from trying to watch scrambled porn. I would sit there with my face glued to the screen in the hopes of seeing a nipple. “Was that a nipple? Was it?! No…no. That was a knee. A knee. False boner alarm. Carry on.”

I would just want to see something so badly that I would watch the Matrix version of pornography. Now? I can see porn anytime I want. It is a true testament to mankind that guys aren’t watching porn at all times. The fact that anything gets done at all when we have the ability to see nude men and women at the click of a button is astounding.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Scared Straight Boys

I was talking to a friend last week about homophobia, particularly men. I was saying how I wish some huge gay activist would come out and just be honest about things just to clear up any confusion straight men may have towards gay men. According to most homophobes gay men are just waiting for the perfect time to attack straight ass. Any straight ass. It doesn’t even matter what the guy looks like. And this is where the problem starts.

Gay men have tastes. Hell, most human beings do. There is no reason to believe that just because someone is attracted to your particular sex that they want to bang you. If anything gays have a very thorough list and ways of letting you know if they are interested. Just because you’re a guy doesn’t automatically make you interesting to them. Let me explain it to you in a way you may understand. This is for the scared straight boys.