West Hollywood Hates You

The city of West Hollywood fucked Irv's Burgers. There's no other way to really put it. This city fucks residents and businesses all the time but this one felt particularly messed up. I have lived in this city for almost 22 years now and first went to Irv's at its original location diagonal to City Hall. It was a good spot. If you didn't want to spend three times as much at Hamburger Mary's and didn't want to hoof it up to Sunset for a burger elsewhere this place was good. It improved after the new owners took over in 2000. Even if you were in a bad mood you couldn't help but cheer up a bit when you saw Sonia Hong or her mother there. Hell, even last year I would see her walking burgers down the street. Sonia would draw a little cartoon on the packages and write “Just for you!” on it.

Unleashed In WeHo

There have been a lot of missing pets in West Hollywood. Its not hard to understand why. Over the last year I have noticed that people have been unleashing their dogs way more and just letting them run around. Its stupid and this isn't the 80's when that shit was cool. They've even stopped picking up the dog shit and its mingling with all the homeless poop in this city. Every day I can look out my window and see a yappy ass little dog running around and then half a minute later see an owner holding the leash and talking on their phone. I see the same thing with kids too but this isn't about them. Its about small dogs vanishing. 

I saw one recently posted at a crosswalk that made me cock my head. It said the dog needed medication and also had on its no barking collar. Yeah. You took away the dogs second weapon and means of communicating and somehow let it wander away. I've worked in pet stores and back then, maybe there are new ones now, but the collars either shocked the dog when it barked or sprayed it with citrus. Hey. How about not having a dog? 

West Hollywood's Growing Homeless Population

Not sure if you've noticed it, but there has been a huge spike in homeless people in West Hollywood. On any given night or early morning you can find one or two hanging out sleeping in front of City Hall. This could be due to all the construction in the area. I spoke to a friend that lives near Miracle Mile and there are a lot of new buildings popping up and the homeless seem to be doubling. And these are not the quiet ones I am familiar with and give nicknames to like Ogg, Clarinet Hobo, The Model, and Red Riding Hood. These are some tweaked out psychos that scream at people or fight and the police arrive 45 minutes later to do a drive through Gold Coast's parking lot when the coast is clear.

How About That Robotic Parking Lot?

WeHo's terrible idea is opening in...I'm not quite sure. West Hollywood's official site says that the parking lot located on Santa Monica and Sweetzer is allegedly going to contain 200 parking lots. 

It was supposed to break ground in March of last year and open in August. As of the writing of this the place appears finished but is not available to, you know, the public. The funny thing about this useless lot is that there is a parking structure on Kings Road which is almost across the street has 165 parking spaces but no one really uses it. I've seen video of how the robotic lot that will open up hopefully before unnamed gods return to Earth and laughed. Ever since that area has been worked on other smaller streets have gotten more dangerous. People do 80 going down Harper and La Jolla. 

Overload on Reload

These “male enhancement” pills called Reload are in the news after Lamar Odom ended up in the hospital after doing a combination of coke, alcohol, god knows what else, and these pills (which I have written about before). They say that he took about ten of them in three days and now he is in a coma. I love out of all the things he took these pills are taking the brunt of the blame. They are being yanked off of shelves so if you still have them save them. They are about to be worth a lot of money.

“Reload enhancement pills stay in the body for 72 hours after one dose and are safe to take with alcohol. Other benefits of the supplement include stronger erections, delayed orgasm and a quick onset time of 30 minutes.”

The last time my dick stayed hard for that many days was in 2013. Otherwise its just wasteful. Well, Odom was at The Bunny Ranch when all this happened. They sell these kinda pills at almost every store and they are right at the front counter, so when you're at 7/11 you can get a Big Gulp and give your partner that big dick. Next thing you know your dick is like a toddler on speed.

Monster Parking Lot Almost Done?

The monster parking lot that I wrote about earlier this year is still not open. It was supposed to be opened two years ago but as you can see it isn't. Its close, but not open. What really sucks about this thing that no one will use is that since the traffic is so bad over there all the assholes that like to speed down these tiny ass streets have now chosen mine to fly down. I wish they would build parking for all these new giant apartments they are building that no one is moving into because once they do it is gonna be crazy over here.

Batman V. Superman XXX Looks Better Than Real Thing

For a while now porn films have somehow managed to make costumes in their movies look better than versions that costs over a hundred times more to produce. Last year Axel Braun put out the Captain America XXX where the most of the characters were truer to comic book form than any Marvel movie ever did. This time Batman v. Superman is targeted and they manage to do the same again.

I don't even care if the acting in this is bad. They look great. With the Catwoman alone they have won. I get pissed when they change the way a character looks from comics. If you're gonna do it make it look better. The chick playing Maxima looks awesome. I like that they gave Supergirl a new look. If you've seen images for the new series (click here for that) its the same ass costume you've always seen but with stockings.

How Much Do Porn Stars Make?

Have you ever wondered how much porn stars make? I use the term “star” loosely because you can just film yourself jerking it and load it online and consider yourself a member of the porn industry. Years ago I heard that male straight guys playing gay made the most and this made perfect sense to me. 

The numbers on this may be different now because the numbers range from 2012-2014. If a straight male porn star is slightly popular they can get between $200-600 and as little as $50-100. If you fuck on film and walk away with a check for $50 you really need to evaluate your life. I understand paying your dues but the ultimate due to me is fucking on film.

A female can get from $800-1,000 being with a guy or another girl. Her low end is more than the straight guy can get tops. If she decides that she needs to have another hole filled she'll get an cool extra $100. And the butt sex? $100-300 more per scene. I would love to hear the train of thought that goes into that process. “Hey, while you're here do you wanna make an extra hundred bucks? You do? Okay. Just take it in your ass. No, not $200. Just the one. Deal?”

Iceman Is Gay Now

Its rare that comic books make the news. It takes things like Superman dying or Batman having his back broken to get the news to admit that comics exist. Or making a character gay. This time its Bobby Drake aka Iceman. The way he was outed is silly but kinda makes sense in a comic world. Another mutant reads his mind and is like “Bobby, you're gay.” He denies it and then has to explain how its hard enough being a mutant let alone gay. Gay characters in comics is not a new thing. They do it every year but it tends to be characters that are C-level and below.

Like, a few years back they were like “Green Lantern is gay!” which made people rage as if they really cared about the Green Lantern. Then we all found out that it was a Lantern that no one knew or cared about. It was just a thing to get attention in the news. And it worked to get attention but in the wrong way because like I said, it was a Lantern no one knew. Being gay in comics does nothing to help gay causes unless I guess you just want to see gay characters in comics. I'm sure that makes some struggling teen feel good. Its not like you're gonna get to see them bone each other. They're just someone that is sexually attracted to the same sex.

Know Your Porn Stars: Misti Dawn

Misti Dawn is, or was, one of those porn stars that managed to combine hometown hot and brand new hot at the same time. I first saw her while watching Max Landis' short film Death And Return Of Superman. During one scene I saw her and asked “Who in the hell is this chick?!” Expecting some modeling photos or bikini shots I was shocked (and so pleased!) to find out that did porno films. Some of you may not know how much joy that brings me but there is nothing like seeing a random hot chick and finding out she bangs on film.

When she was 18 she started modeling for the Suicide Girls which are a pack of hot women covered in tattoos and piercings. Trust me. They're sexy. Years later she started shooting films with Burning Angel which is pretty hardcore and then Belladonna. If you have never seen a film from Belladonna and her company than you can't say you have seen hardcore porn. I need to write about her soon.