Laughing At Pornhub Comments

I was watching an interview with comedian Hannibal Buress on Howard Stern and laughed when they started talking about their favorite porn sites to watch. The mentioned the fact that people leave comments on these sites. Now, I try my best to stay out of the comment section on any sites but my own. Most times the comments go to racist, homophobic, or religious within 3 to 5 comments in.

I went to my bookmarks and decided to read some of the comments that people left. The shit is ridiculous. I will post what they said (without their names) and comment on them. I will not alter the way they wrote anything. Gotta say that because I don't want folks thinking that my grammar is this damned bad.

Let Her Crush You

I found some articles online about this tall ass woman 30 year old Ana Lucia Barbosa that goes by the name of Amazon Cinthia. I mean, holy shit that is a lot of woman. She stands at 6'8” and weighs 200 pounds. The 200 pound thing is the only thing I really question. A woman never really tells. I'm just bitter because she is 7 inches taller than me but weighs 25 pounds less. Whenever a woman is tall she is asked if she models, plays basketball, or is a lesbian. I'm just being honest. Its kinda like how people assume I have kids, smoke weed, or have been to prison.

Cinthia makes as much as $300 an hour crushing men. Yes, that is a thing in porn as well. There are plenty of videos where women just sit on men or just...parts of men. And they love it. She also wrestles with them which is also a thing. “There's no shortage of willing clients happy to pay me to sit on them, wrestle them, pick them up and generally boss them around. I'm finding this line of work has changed my life and I'm now able to provide for my family.”

Seems like $300 an hour to get beat up and bossed around is a lot. I can have that done for free just by hooking up with ex's. Growing up in Brazil (of course because that place is South America's Australia) she was made fun of because of her height. Kids got creative and called her a giraffe. She eventually quit school because of it. Kids are so...suck.

Porn Tales 14

There was this old man that used to come into the porn shop. Now, when I say old I don't mean old like when I have complained about customers in the past. I'm talking about in 2001 he looked like he was ready to drop dead at any moment and I was not being paid enough to move his body. I bring this guy up because I recently saw him a few days ago and damn near dropped my bag of just purchased chips. I mean...how?! How could this man still walk the Earth?

This isn't someone that just looked old. He was for real old. And jerking it every day. I think. He used to rent three movies every morning, return them the next morning, and take three more out. I often wondered if he actually had the ability to jerk off of if he just went home and slapped it around for a while, sighed, and put another tape in. Either way, it was depressing as hell. I know it should be inspirational that someone at the age of telephone is still feeling sexual but that is not how my brain works.

Wink Then Walk

People get hit by cars a lot in West Hollywood. It is a combination of really shitty drivers, pedestrains that make up their own rules, and folks on bicycles that weave in and out of traffic and the sidewalk as if they are the only ones there. Today at the bus stop I saw a poster for safety when crossing streets. “Wink then walk.” I have no problem with that. “Make eye contact with drivers before you cross the street.” Okay, still good. Its the last line that gets me. “What happens next is up to you.” Oh, come on now! Does everything in WeHo have to be about sex?! 

I remember in the porn shop seeing ads for every holiday and it being about sex. Thanksgiving? Buff guy with dick in turkey. 4th of July? Firecracker wrapped cock. Christmas? Guess what? Dick in a box! Does this city really need an ad with a shirtless guy crossing the street and unbuckling his belt? Seriously, West Hollywood. Get your shit together. 

Handle this homeless problem. Put up that goddamn Walgreen's. Make the traffic lights work in equal times because when people know the light they need only lasts 11 seconds compared to three minutes of the other they tend to speed and blow through lights. Oh, and hurry up and complete that ugly, gigantic parking lot at City Hall that I doubt citizens will be allowed to park in.  

Fire Down Below!

Porn star Missy Martinez who you may know from such classics as Titty Creampies 3, Lesbian Anal POV 5, and Big Anal Booties: POV+ was injured on set due to a faulty vibrator Sorry. Personal massager. When using her Hitachi Magic Wand the handle started to heat up and sparks shot out of the damned thing where the cord connects. Yes, this is not your mamas vibrator. This plugs in. She got some minor burns on her hand and almost burned the piercings of the chick she was doing the scene with. She says she has sent a letter to Hitachi letting them know their shit is dangerous. Every inch of those black bars were needed to cover her up. Don't think I am exaggerating. I have seen these massagers plenty of times since they sell them at most name brand stores. I laugh knowing that the last thing these will ever touch is a human back or sore neck. I've held one of these before and it made my dick put up a for sale sign.

Know Your Porn Stars: Skin Diamond

Every once in a while a porn star will emerge from the hundreds of people who make a living by having sex on screen and thrust into the public eye. They crossover. There are probably less than twenty that have done it successfully (if I say John Holmes chances are you know who I'm talking about). Skin Diamond is now one of those people. Born Raylin Christensen in 1987 (which makes me feel so pervy) her father is an actor that I haven't heard of. She is part Danish, Ethiopian, Czech, German, and Yugoslav. She was born in Ventura, California and raised in Dunfermline, Scotland.

Still A Big Deal

Why is it such a big deal when someone famous comes out of the closet? I ask that question already knowing the answer. I'm sure that for gays, lesbians, and all the other names that seem to come out every year for gay folks (kinda like Black, Negro, African American, Colored) it is awesome to have someone that is well known let the world know who they truly are. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to keep your sexuality a secret from family, friends, and the public for fear of being rejected, attacked, or disowned. Its silly that its still even a thing that happens. Your child likes someone if their same sex? Wow! That's so...unheard of.

No, it isn't.

I think what bothers me most about the fact that its still a big deal is that your sexual preference is just that: a sexual preference. It doesn't make someone better or worse by being gay. Its just who they have sex with. That's all. When people talk about being gay being the downfall of society it makes my eyes cross. 

Digitally Removing Condoms

It is a sad state of affairs. We are at a point in time where a porn company has to sit around digitally adding condoms back into porn. Falcon Studios released California Dreamin' 1 and it is the first film to use technology in post production to make it seem as if they did not use condoms during the making of the movie. “Why would someone go through the trouble of doing this?” you ask. Because L.A made it where porn had to use condoms when filming in 2012. Ever since this happened permits to shoot porn dropped 95% and many companies just hauled ass to Las Vegas where they don't have to deal with that nonsense. Assume that L.A County has lost out in thousands if not millions of dollars because of this. Gay porn on the other hand has been requiring the use of condoms for quite a long time. They were already self policing. Straight porn is also required to regular testing unlike gay porn but that is fakakta at best since a few times every year someone slides their diseased dick into someone and next thing you know no one is shooting porn for a while. I wonder how good this technology looks but I'll be damned if I watch gay porn...again.  

Study Lies Saying Porn Leads To Cheating

Some nonsense called Psychology of Popular Media Culture thinks that people who watch porn are more likely to think that having an affair is fine. After data collected from 551 married couples gathered by the General Social Survey they gathered responses from the participants and came up with this result. The study stated things like “Pornography consumption was associated with more positive subsequent extramarital sex attitudes in both analyses” and “If pornography consumption leads to more positive extramarital sex attitudes as the results of the panels suggest, pornography consumption may be a contributing factor in some divorces via extramarital sex behavior.” They also stated that affairs are the most used devices in porn leading some to think that it is “normative and rewarding.” Well, honestly, that depends on what type of porn you're watching,

There is porn where people cheat. They sleep with the babysitter, the neighbors husband/wife, some random chick in a bathroom, step-children, and food just laying around. Again. It depends on what you're looking for. I wonder if they asked these couples how much sex they were having because I believe that how much you watch correlates with how much sex you're having with your partner. It's not even close to as much fun to handle yourself with or without porn when you have the ability to have sex with someone else. But if your partner isn't having sex with you the next best option is porn. You don't want them watching porn? Well, either accept that cheating is now on the table or just enough porn to not murder you in your sleep.  

Know Your Porn Stars: Adriana Sage

Back when I was new to watching porn I found this hot ass chick named Adriana Sage. I checked her stuff out and was past impressed. She was one of the first porn stars that looked like she was having fun doing it. Not only that, but she was close to my age. Most of the porn stars I had seen were either old, dead, or the porn was from when I was a child. Just old, bad porn. Sage was fresh and new and had a look that seemed natural. She didn't “look” like a porn star. She looked like a hot girl that you would know in your personal life but that she would never sleep with you...sober.

One of the difficult things about finding films with Sage in them was the fact that she would use multiple names. She'd use Adrianna Sage, Adrian Sage, Alana, Lana, and I do believe that she used the last name Kane at some point. She was born in Mexico, moved to San Diego, CA, and at the age of 19 shot her first film after first working in a strip club for 6 months. Damn. Could you imagine going to a strip club expecting women with stab wound scars or looking a hot mess and seeing this chick dancing there? She'd get all my money. She gets bonus points for basing the name Sage off of a comic book character.

Please Don't Go!

Are you happy now? Porn is leaving The Valley. Most of the porn created is done in the San Fernando Valley and because of the condom laws being enforced companies are like fuck that and leaving in droves. And guess where they are going? Las Vegas. Know why? Because Las Vegas is progressive. They got legal prostitution there and everything.

Its said that the permits requested to film porn in LA County dropped by 95% since the law requiring the use of condoms took effect. Besides the condom law there is the fact that no one s really buying porn anymore. They say its because of sites that let you watch all the porn you want for free. I say its because people are tired of watching the super surgery having chick that are in high end porn. Seriously, chicks look scary as hell now. Also, with all the permits and such it is just getting too damned expensive to continue filming here. Las Vegas permits are cheaper and they don't require health permits.

This part is a problem.

Know Your Porn Stars: Lexington Steele

You watch much Black porn? Hahaha! That needs to be the way I open up every conversation no matter the topic! If you have watched any then chances are you've seen this guy named Lexington Steele. This man...this man is loud when he has an orgasm. Like, very loud. I mean, I have watched so much porn that I am used to it but when I first saw it happen the shit caught me way off guard. If you have ever seen that cartoon Gargoyle's there's a scene in the theme where the leader lets out a yell. That's kinda what its like. Shit's pretty intense.

Something that makes his scenes easier to watch than most Black porn guys is that he doesn't talk shit the entire time. I've complained before that in a lot of Black porn everyone talks. The guy fucking. The guy waiting to fuck. The cameraman. Everyone. This guy doesn't and I appreciate it. How much talking do you need to do when you have something the size of a weapon between you legs? You let it talk for you. And then you scream in triumph when you're done.

Joys Of WeHo Part 4

The yellow metal poles have claimed yet another victim. In the metered lot across fro the Gold Coast the most dangerous things used to be aggressive cruisers or Captain Cucumber. Now its these posts that I didn't even notice until I started hearing people crunch into them. It has become such a regular thing that people at the bar cheer when it happens. I'm not quite sure why they were put where they are. If the arm doesn't lift after 2am to let people in they just knock it over, which has happened quite a few times. It doesn't keep super large vehicles from entering since the giant AIDS bus goes back there. I guess its better than people ramming into the telephone pole. I mean, they still do. They even wrapped a metal guard around it that is now dented from drunk drivers backing out the bar and smashing into it.

Click here for previous Joys Of WeHo. 

Know Your Porn Stars: Nina Hartley

I have a thing about pornstars. I can watch hundreds of films (and I have) but if I ever had a chance to sleep with one of them I never would. Except for Nina Hartley. She was in the second porno I'd ever seen. Real porno. Not that nonsense that I thought was porn on the Playboy channel. There was a movie whose title I forget and I remember thinking “Whoa. That is a great ass.” And it was. Is. Nina still has a great ass. At the age of 54 she has an ass that girl's in the 20's are paying to have.

Standing at 5'4” she has done over 900 films and directed close to 20. She is considered one of twenty five women from the golden era of adult films and I'll be damned if I don't agree. She was doing porn back in the day when no one was even allowed to seat for fear of messing up their large hair. She was born in Berkeley, CA and for years has been an advocate for adult films, even being on Oprah at one point. 

Changes In West Hollywood

Irv’s Burgers is no more! Actually, its still around. It just moved down the street though. This place has been around for a really long time and I've only been there once in maybe the last six or seven years. Its okay but nothing to write home about. I hardly ever think of the place since they have always had such strange hours of business.

A few months ago I saw this new place, a cafe of some sort, opening next to them (Beach Nation) and thought “Wow. That noise and filth is gonna drive them out of business.” Of course West Hollywood City Hall which is right across the street probably has no more fuck's to give. If they did they would probably do something about all of the homeless in the area or the human shit and vomit that regularly covers the sidewalks in the morning. Or have police that show up when you call them (I called to report someone threatening a man with a knife and they came...40 minutes later...and it was someone they had arrested multiple times).

I'm rambling.