There was this old man that used to
come into the porn shop. Now, when I say old I don't mean old like
when I have complained about customers in the past. I'm talking about
in 2001 he looked like he was ready to drop dead at any moment and I
was not being paid enough to move his body. I bring this guy up
because I recently saw him a few days ago and damn near dropped my
bag of just purchased chips. I mean...how?! How could this man still
walk the Earth?
This isn't someone that just looked
old. He was for real old. And jerking it every day. I think. He used
to rent three movies every morning, return them the next morning, and
take three more out. I often wondered if he actually had the ability
to jerk off of if he just went home and slapped it around for a
while, sighed, and put another tape in. Either way, it was depressing
as hell. I know it should be inspirational that someone at the age of
telephone is still feeling sexual but that is not how my brain works.
When I am old enough to where it sounds
crazy when I tell kids that we used to talk to each other in person,
the last thing I want to have on my mind is my next nut. I'm hoping
that within the next two years my junk is something used to go to the
bathroom and make my draws fit properly. I don't want to still be
turned on by anything when I qualify for AARP and discounts at
theaters no matter the time of day. And in case you're wondering, the
answer is yes. He was coming out of the porn shop when I saw him.
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