Sunday, June 23, 2013

Want A C-String?

I know that I am not the target demographic when  people are looking for things that are considered sexy. But I know what is weird. And this thing called the c-string is weird and not sexy. This isn’t your grannies g-string. Please. G-string? That is so 1995 of you. Its all about new letters of the alphabet being shoved in between your ass crack. I don’t know why this is even a real thing but it is and that’s why I have to let those of you that don’t know about it aware of its existence. Because I can just picture you at the club and taking someone home and all of a sudden you see this new space age thing hanging from their crotch. I’m doing a community service by writing this. This thing seems to attach to your crotch and ass at the same time through what I assume is magic.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Idol Thoughts

Back at the porn shop I’ve met celebrities before ranging from D-List actors to actually music royalty like Elton John. They came in buying everything from poppers, to videos that were terribly overpriced, to just regular magazines. One day while sitting at the counter minding my business when this thin blond haired dude came up to the counter and started talking to me. He wasn’t weird or pervy or anything. He was nice. So we’re just talking about nothing exciting and “Dancing With Myself” came on the radio and he chuckled. I was like “Okay…” and he bought some stuff with his credit card and I rang him up and he said “Cheers” and left. After he left I had a total Kaiser Soze moment and looked at his receipt. It said William Broad on it and I was like okay its not him because his name is…William? Oh. So yeah. I met Billy Idol while working at the porn shop and didn’t realize it until he was gone and felt like an idiot. I still do. Idol is awesome.