Saturday, October 27, 2012

Superman Viagra

People who try new things sexually tend to end up in situations that are far too embarrassing. If your mate ever says to you “Let’s try something new!” chances are a hospital visit is going to occur in your future. A couple months back some poor guy in Laguna Beach ended up with a cockring stuck on his junk, in public, and the police were eventually involved. It really doesn’t help that this guy decided to try a lot of wrong things at the same time. I wish they would release his name because I’d love to hear why he made this series of decisions that landed him in the news.

A couple spotted a man sitting in his car and thought that he might be dead because this was when it was balls hot in California and he was in his car with the windows all rolled up. The cops showed up and discovered he wasn’t dead but he was butt ass naked. They asked him to get out and he said he couldn’t because he had an ice pack on his junk. Why?

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Porn Slanger 3

People like to think that when it comes to porn that nothing is off limits. Thankfully that’s not true because there is some stuff that people are into that just should not be cool. Films that involve pee aka “watersports” is one and the next are called scat films. No, I don’t mean a movie where someone sits on stage bee-bopping. Its poop. Good old fashioned poop. Mixed with sex. No. These two things should never go together unless something really bad has happened.

Along with fisting films scat films were something that people would ask for at the counter when I was slanging porn. It was yet another thing that I discovered was a real thing during my seven years there. Before then I thought that it was just a joke that people made about Germany. When I think of Germany I think beer, World War 2, and poop films. Customers would ask for one of these films and I’d tell them that not only did we not sell them but they were illegal. Piss films were as well at one point along with fisting but the rules changed.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Complaints About Black Adult Films

Oh, Black porn. Why do you hate me so? I’ve mentioned before that my first exposure to real, uncensored porn was Black porn. And it blew my mind. Over the years I’ve watched more porn than you’ve spent time with your family. And I’ve noticed some things in Black porn that bothers the crap out of me! There is like a running gag list of things that these pornos, called “Ebony”, do the same thing in almost every one of them that I am just so damned tired of seeing. I did a scientific survey which for me means clicking on ten random Black porno clips and seeing what the results would be.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Damn You Boy Scouts

Quick! When you think of the Boy Scouts of America, what are the first things you think of? Me, I think of badges, gay stuff, and molestation. I’m sure that there have been thousands of people that have made it through being a Scout where neither of the last two things happened but the only time this group appears in the news its because some bad stuff is going on. This time its because a kid named Ryan Andresen is being denied his Eagle status because he’s gay even though he‘s totally legible for it. He’s been a Scout since he was 6 years old and is about to be 18 years old.

The Scouts discovered that he was gay when he stood up for another member of his troop that was being bullied when he wrote a letter. His particular troop is sponsored by a local church and if there’s one thing the church doesn’t like its gay stuff. There is absolutely nothing gay that happens in regards to church. None whatsoever. “This scout proactively notified his unit leadership and Eagle Scout counselor that he does not agree to scouting’s principle of ‘duty to God’ and does not meet scouting’s membership standard on sexual orientation” a statement said.

Are we still saying that God hates the gays? Look. Just let the kid get his badge. He’s gay. So what?! All you people running around hating gay people need to just cut this nonsense out. Stop using God as your moral barometer and just admit that you’re a hateful asshat. You can be gay and still be religious which is hard for me to wrap my head around but it appears that its possible. Just give him the badge and pretend that everything is alright. Like when priests get moved to another church. What?