Scrambled Porn

I know its hard for some people of a certain age to believe, but at one point you didn’t have easy access to porno movies. You either had an uncle that was bad at hiding stuff or a father that was really bad at hiding stuff. When my parents had cable, at the time Continental Cable, channel 54 was The Playboy Channel. And, oh, what a channel! The problem was that my parents hated things like paying bills on time so we’d lose the channel.

Now, I’ve mentioned somewhere on one of my random blogs that I had sex before I attempted to pleasure myself. No, it wasn’t because I was young when I lost my virginity. I’m not that smooth. Its because I had a house full of people! So many people! Parents, three brothers, a sister. There was just no time to try anything. That didn’t stop me from trying to watch scrambled porn. I would sit there with my face glued to the screen in the hopes of seeing a nipple. “Was that a nipple? Was it?! No…no. That was a knee. A knee. False boner alarm. Carry on.”

I would just want to see something so badly that I would watch the Matrix version of pornography. Now? I can see porn anytime I want. It is a true testament to mankind that guys aren’t watching porn at all times. The fact that anything gets done at all when we have the ability to see nude men and women at the click of a button is astounding.