Tuesday, November 15, 2011

All Tied Up

“BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of sexual expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play. The compound acronym BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures.”

People like bondage. Not me. Reminds me of slavery. I wont even let someone get freaky and pull out some handcuffs. Which is funny because I own a pair but they are for my movies. Hmm. That sounds worse. I don’t trust anyone enough to handcuff me. I just assume that they will start tickling the hell out of me which is funny for a second but then I Hulk Out and get mad. But there are plenty of pornos and magazines that feature people being tied up in ways that don’t seem fun nor sexy. Lots of times it just seems painful as hell. If you hit me when I’m horny the last thing I’m gonna do is ask for more.

When you get into this kinda stuff you have to create a safe word. In mainstream movies couples who want to spice up their sex life will bust out the furry cuffs (if I was a chick that would be my vaginas nickname) and ball gag. They will be having fun until someone starts screaming “Oklahoma!” That means that its time to stop this bullshit because it hurts or because it feels too good. Yes, there is such a thing as feels too good. In the movie Eurotrip one of the characters Cooper goes to a place called Club Vandersexxx and is tied up with Lucy Lawless holding a monkey with cymbals to his testicles. He says the safe word and shit gets real.

It says "Power Bottom" in Swedish.

Some like to pretend that people didn’t get freaky back in the day. And by back in the day I mean hundreds and thousands of years ago. There are pictures on walls from 6th century BC of guys making another guy look like a pig on a spit. And for as conservative as “The Greatest Generation” likes to pretend they are they had the nastiest…everything. They just kept quiet about it. Hey, no drinking and smoking dope. But tying dames up and hanging them from the ceiling? That’s totally acceptable! Read up on the history of Wonder Woman if you want to blow your mind. It’ll make you look at her Lasso Of Truth in a whole new way.

No caption needed.

I get called boring because when some people talk about the freaky shit they have done or want to do I want no part of it. You know what though? At least I don’t have to go to work explaining why I have rope burns on my thighs. Like a lot of other fetishes it seems expensive. Just let me stick to loving red draws and big thighs. That’s a cheap kink, thank you very much.

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