Food Porn Bothers Me

Can you believe that Rachael Ray looked like this at one time? I actually bought that issue because of it I had such a crush on her. I doubt I could listen to her talk for more than ten minutes but she's nice to look at. You know what isn't? Food and porn. I got to thinking about this after a friend asked what was the weirdest porn I'd ever seen and I immediately thought of food porn. Now, when you look up the term “food porn” you get lots of images of fancy looking food or food that looks like assholes, penises, or vagina’s. What I mean by food porn is when people have sex and cover themselves with messy ass food.

Ever since I can remember I've had a problem watching the combination of food and porn. I can barely stomach watching someone make out while I eat anything. This is from someone that used to move dead bodies for a living. I'm sure there's some answer that if I dug far enough into my childhood that could explain it but I also know that there's some rabbit holes you just don't go down.

What stinks about food porn is that its usually a surprise. You troll your favorite porn site looking for a way to release your demon seed and keep from hurting people and see someone you fancy. “Oh, this should be good” you think. Next thing you know she heads to the fridge and starts smearing food all over herself! Its just so...messy. Its like fucking on the beach. No one wants sand in their peehole. No one wants sand in their buttcrack. But everyone talks about sex on the beach. I have no desire to have sex in a swimming pool or jacuzzi. I'm not an adventurous person sexually and that's fine to me. The last thing I wanna do is make myself a Manwich in bed. Keep food in the kitchen. Not in the bedroom.