Tuesday, September 10, 2013

You Put What Where?

I was talking to a friend about objects getting stuck in asses and how they got there after reading a story about a man sneaking a loaded gun into jail by using his butt purse on my last Rosscast. I don't care if someone wants to have their ass used for a good time until it gets to the point where they start jamming crap that is just laying around up there. There are times where I get hurt and wonder if something embarrassing happened would I go to the doctor or not.

I like to think I would but I had a bladder infection once years ago and it took my six months of living in knee buckling pain before I did it. Going to the doctor is never fun. They poke you and ask you questions that you never want to answer honestly. Plus there are sick people all over the place! Yes, I have worked at a hospital two times. Just the idea of ending up with something in me that I cant get out makes me cringe. So while it is stupid I am pretty sure that if I got, let's say, Buzz Lightyear stuck up my ass that I would just have to get used to being a bigger fan of Toy Story than you.

This is what comes after "...and beyond!"

I have heard on shows where doctors have called in when a patient has come in with something stuck up there that they couldn't get it. Best case scenario you get it out and walk funny for a while and maybe have a new story to tell someone when you get too drunk. Otherwise you are just playing with fire...in your ass. Which is also a thing people do. Now how do you explain having an iPhone stuck up your ass?

The best part is that they say it rang three times while it was stuck in there. Now with this last picture I cant even begin to imagine the level of shame as he went to the hospital. Oh, by the way, these are all men. Men do dumb things when they are bored or left alone for more than two hours unsupervised. He got a vibrator stuck up there and then tried to use salad tongs to try and get them out which then got stuck as well.

I'd just start screaming and shaking my fist at the sky at this point. And then calling out sick for work because there's no way in hell I'd be seen sitting in an ER laying on my side while utensils are inside me. That, my friends, is a bad day.

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