Porn Tales 10

While talking to The Munkey I was reminded of a time when the porn shop was surrounded by cops. Let me explain how this started. I was at the counter sitting on my ass and wondering what I was doing with my life when the owner shows up and starts dicking around with the security switch. I watched him with the same amount of interest as a dog watching its owner pick up its poop. So he leaves and a minute or so later the phone rings and I answer it with as much gusto as one can at 8am with the smell of poppers behind me.

Me: “Name of my job.”


Cop: “What are you wearing?”


Me: “What?” (I didn’t know this was a cop at the time)


Cop: “Someone set off the alarm and…”

At this point my co-worker saw a look on my face and walked to the front door and stuck his head out the door. His eyes got huge and he put his hands up.

Cop: “…we wanna make sure we get the right guys.”


Me: “I’m at the counter. Black shirt. Jeans. And he works here.”

I didn’t want to end up with six warning shots in my ass. Moments later cops pour into the store to make sure I’m not a robber. They tell us that the alarm was set off and they came to investigate. I asked my co-worker what happened when he stuck his head out the door and he said “There was a fucking gun in my face!” I called the owner and let him know what happened. He denied doing anything even though he ran out the shop earlier faster than Fleece Johnson at an ass convention.