Thursday, May 31, 2012

Porn Slanger Part 2

One of the fun things about working at the porn shop was working holidays. And by fun I mean terrible. There was nothing like sitting at the counter and watching an empty store for a few hours and counting the time until I could go home. What was even worse were when people would come in. And by god they would be happy! “You’re open?!” No, I just like to sit behind the counter at porn stores wondering what wrong turn I made in my life. I’m not talking about holidays like 4th of July and Memorial Day. Those holidays meant absolutely nothing. I’m talking about the big ones like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.

I don’t see my family much but I still didn’t want to be selling dildos and butt plugs on baby Jesus’ birthday. I would volunteer to work holidays and then get mad when people would actually come in. So there I’d be just sitting there being…me. Someone would come in and be happy the store is open and then the worst thing would happen.

They’d wanna talk.

Now, I’ve discussed how not fun it is selling porn before. Some customers are okay to talk to but on holidays the creep factor gets turned to 11. It takes a special kinda human to wake up and look in the mirror and say to yourself “You know. Its Christmas. I’m gonna get dressed, drive from the Valley to West Hollywood, and buy some porn. Not only that, I’m gonna chat it up with the bored looking Black guy behind the counter!

New Years sucked because the store would be dead and when someone came in they were wasted. I hated New Years to begin with but the worst was in 1999. The end of the world was possibly happening and the last thing I needed to do was be stuck slanging porn while the skies rained fire.

Click here to read past Porn Slanger.

2 comments:

Trixie Van Sickle said...

In 1999 was the store super busy because people wanted to stock up on cock rings and lube for the apocalypse?

Dante said...

Mostly cigarettes for the end of the world. I imagine they lubed themselves with tears of fear.