Monday, February 18, 2013

Was Huell Howser Gay?

Years ago when I was working in the porn shop celebrities would come in a lot. There was another porn shop nearby that was very popular because it was prettier and shinier but had a bad reputation for secrecy. They would immediately sell your receipt to a magazine with all of your purchases which sucked. But the place I worked at was just a tad less shady and was good at keeping quiet. You could come in and buy poppers, glass pipes, and dildos with no fear of the public knowing. Well, I don’t work there anymore so I don’t mind mentioning some people, particularly this one since he passed away last month.

Huell Howser used to come into the porn shop and rent gay porn. Particularly Marine porn. Yes, that is a thing. If there is clown porn you should just assume that there is Marine porn. Now when I first met Huell I didn’t recognize him. He looked just like every other old, White guy wearing shades at 6am that I’d seen. It didn’t help that he never smiled.

Not once.

This exists.

If you know him from his show California Gold then you’d know that he is always smiling and happy. But for whatever reason he didn’t when buying stuff to make him orgasm. I never understood angry porn buying. Anyway, one morning one of my co-workers wandered up to the counter right after Huell left and asked “You know who that was, right?” I said that I didn’t even after seeing his name. I wasn’t a huge fan of his show. He said “That’s amazing!” and my eyes got big. “No…” I said and then checked his receipt. Sure  enough it was dude from TV. “Why is he such a dick?” I asked. My co-worker shrugged and said he’d been coming in for years.

There were famous people that would come in specifically for poppers. Edward Furlong bought enough poppers to inflate the Hindenburg while John Ritter bought those British magazines that no one else would.  Huell Howser liked Marine porn. Nothing wrong with that. Some people are probably asking why I’m even posting this. Well, because he wasn’t nice and it happened. There are some people that I won’t write about because they were cool and nice to everyone in the store. But there were some people that would act so cunty when they shopped there. I’m looking at you, Roger Ebert.

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