Crack Is Wack

Nothing like dealing with people that look like Judge Doom at 6am. There were a lot of items sold at the porn shop that I hated selling. From magazines where people dressed up like ponies and led each other around to poppers. But there was one item in particular I hated selling because I knew they would sell. I know that sounds weird but when the item was a glass pipe then it makes perfect sense.

Wikipedia describes it as “…a pipe made from a small glass tube, often taken from ‘Love roses’, small glass tubes with a paper rose that are promoted as romantic gifts. These are sometimes called stems, horns, blasters and straight shooters.”

We’d get these damned things delivered and they would sell out quickly. Now the problem with selling crack pipes is that people who smoke crack will buy them! And watching these people amble into the store that early in the morning was never fun. And you should have seen the look on people’s faces when we were sold out.

Now I don’t know all that much about crack pipes. I’ve never used one believe it or not. But I like to think that if you bought one it would last for a while. Are they disposable? Some folks would come in and buy one every day, fighting to peel the price tag off before they even left the store like they couldn’t wait to get their crack on. There was this one dude who never got a nickname but came often enough for me to sigh heavily when he stumbled through the door.

Him: “You got any glass pipes?” (looking at empty shelf)


Me: “Nope.”


Him: “Why?”


Me: “Sold out.”


Him: “Huh?”


Me: “They’re gone.”


Him: “Oh. When you getting more?”


Me: “I don’t know.”


Him: “Who orders them?”


Me: (losing patience) “They’re sold out.”

I have no time for this nonsense that early in the morning. I understand that in his state that he isn’t listening to what I’m saying. What he wants to hear is “Here’s your crack pipe with a free torch lighter!” But that’s not happening. Yes, we have no crack pipe. Its kinda jacked up how porn shops become the place to get things that are pretty damned close to illegal. The poppers, the Whip-Its, the pissing videos. I mean, come on. Crack pipes? Really?