The Queer Dilemma

Living in West Hollywood I’m surrounded by homosexuals. I’ve worked with some, live in the same building as some, and am related to some. I have never had a problem with guys liking other guys. Hell, it meant less competition as far as I was concerned. I was never like " Ew, you like dudes?!" I just didn't care.

I never understood why so many other people did either. To me it never mattered who someone slept with. It wasn't like I was watching them fuck. The people that live above me could be fucking plants and I couldn't care less. So why do others? Fuck whoever you like except kids.

Its not like I grew up in a super tolerant household. It was quite the opposite. But I’m a natural dissenter. I cant just follow the way people behave or think just because they tell me to. I’ve always asked questions and questioned authority.

Butt Booty Ass Naked

“Naturism or nudism is a cultural and political movement practicing, advocating and defending social nudity in private and in public. It may also refer to a lifestyle based on personal, family and/or social nudism.”

Nope. None of you know the pain I go through looking for images for this blog. Google “nudist” and you too shall experience fear. The idea of people walking around in public naked bothers me. Not just because the people that love this kinda thing shouldn’t be doing it. Mostly because I just don’t like looking at most people completely naked. It makes me nervous.

Enhance Your Talent

“In March 2006, following thousands of consumer complaints to the Better Business Bureau, Federal agents raided Berkeley facilities, gathering material that resulted in a 112-count criminal indictment. The company's founder and CEO, Steve Warshak, and his mother, Harriet Warshak, were found guilty of conspiracy to commit mail fraud, bank fraud, and money laundering, and in September 2008 were sentenced to prison and ordered to forfeit $500 million in assets. The convictions and fines forced the company into bankruptcy, and in December 2008 its assets were sold for $2.75 million to investment company Pristine Bay, which continued operations.”

Bet that wiped the smile off of Bob’s face. This is the guy from those Enzyte commercials that used to promises you a larger penis. Hell. They not only promised you that in those commercials. They made it seem as if you could play sports better, cook more food, and every housewife in the neighborhood would want to nail you because you have a giant penis. I believe them.

Wrap It Up

Did you know that there’s a condom made by Louis Vuitton that cost $68. That is not a typo. Who in their goddamn mind would pay that much money for a condom? You can only use it once. Unless you’re a cheapskate. Which I totally would be if I paid that much for some boning action. Its cheaper to just pay someone to bang than it is to buy this thing. I would rinse that sumbitch out and use it again. Call me gross but whatever. That’s a lot for a condom. If someone whips this bad boy out they are either showing off or an asshole. Maybe a bit of both. I like condoms. When dudes say “I cant feel anything when I wear one” I cant believe they get away with it. Sex feels too good. Every. Single. Time. It doesn’t ever not feel good. Thank god for condoms.

Here Come The Twinks

Wikipedia says that a "Twink is a gay slang term describing a young or young-looking gay man (18–23 age category) with a slender, ectomorph build, little or no body hair, and no facial hair. In some societies, the term chick or chicken is preferred. The related term twinkle-toes, which implies that a man is effeminate, tends to be used in a derogatory manner. The terms can be complimentary or pejorative…a twink is ‘memorable for his outer packaging‘, not his ‘inner depth’.”

I’ve mentioned before that one of the things I like about gay people is the fact that they have types. I think it makes life so much easier when you can say “This is the only thing I am into and all I shall pursue.” I could totally be a twink if it wasn’t for this body fat and stupid facial hair. Oh and the whole not being into dudes thing. That gets in the way as well. I usually see twinks here in West Hollywood during the spring and summer. They come out of nowhere and travel in packs cruising for some action. Here’s how I see twinks. Picture the most annoying gay kid you knew in school. Okay. Got it? Now picture him being around 19 years old and still acting the same. Loud, obnoxious, and thinking they are all that. Maybe I’m wrong. I doubt it but maybe I am.

Porn Tales 10

While talking to The Munkey I was reminded of a time when the porn shop was surrounded by cops. Let me explain how this started. I was at the counter sitting on my ass and wondering what I was doing with my life when the owner shows up and starts dicking around with the security switch. I watched him with the same amount of interest as a dog watching its owner pick up its poop. So he leaves and a minute or so later the phone rings and I answer it with as much gusto as one can at 8am with the smell of poppers behind me.

Plug It In, Plug It In...

“A butt plug is a sex toy designed to be inserted in the anus and rectum for sexual pleasure, In some ways, they are similar to a dildo, but they tend to be shorter, and must have a flanged end to prevent the device from being lost inside the rectum.”

There are so many different types of these things. They come in sizes that range from “That’s Not So Bad” to “I Don’t Care Anymore!” I always apply my thoughts on life to sex toys and with this I ask myself “What about when you’re old?” I imagine that people that use these in ginormous form don’t give a damn about worrying for their future asshole.

All Tied Up

“BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of sexual expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play. The compound acronym BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures.”

People like bondage. Not me. Reminds me of slavery. I wont even let someone get freaky and pull out some handcuffs. Which is funny because I own a pair but they are for my movies. Hmm. That sounds worse. I don’t trust anyone enough to handcuff me. I just assume that they will start tickling the hell out of me which is funny for a second but then I Hulk Out and get mad. But there are plenty of pornos and magazines that feature people being tied up in ways that don’t seem fun nor sexy. Lots of times it just seems painful as hell. If you hit me when I’m horny the last thing I’m gonna do is ask for more.

Porn Shop Etiquette

As many of you know by now, I worked in a porn shop for years. Closer to a decade than not. I felt like compiling a list of things that you should not do when entering a porn shop since from my first day to my last I experienced these situations with customers and it never failed to bother me. Share this with your friends as well because one can never know enough about how to behave in a porn shop. At least that’s what I would tell myself. And by the way, this goes for entering any establishment where you may have your mind blown. Hopefully just your mind…

Gloryhole Or Gory Hole?

Its rare that something can be amazing and terrifying at the same time. When I see a gloryhole I imagine its what Moses felt like when he saw the Burning Bush. Probably said the same thing too. “That’s impossible! But I must get closer…” I mean, it’s a sex hole. That used to be my name when I was a stripper. You don’t know who is on the other side and they don’t know who you are. You just stick your business in and hopefully get it back when you’re done. I’m not brave enough to stick my junk into a mystery boning hole. Maybe I’m missing out.

Wikipedia describes it as “…a hole in a wall, or other partition, often between public lavatory stalls or adult video arcade booths for people to engage in sexual activity or observe the person in the next cubicle while one or both parties masturbate. The partition maintains anonymity. Body parts including fingers, tongue and penis may be used for anonymous oral, vaginal and/or anal intercourse.”